Breaking News: Pedophile Warren Jeffs Hospitalized!

PALESTINE, TEXAS -- Texas prison officials have announced that convicted pedophile Warren Jeffs has been hospitalized in critical condition as the result of not eating or drinking enough since being imprisoned. At this writing he is at the East Texas Medical Center in Tyler, where he was taken Sunday night.

The 55-year-old polygamist leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has been incarcerated at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice's Powledge Unit, near Palestine, about 100 miles southeast of Dallas. He was convicted in early August on two counts of child rape against underage girls that he took as "spiritual brides."